Funny Football

The Writer offers his undivided opinions on some hilarious situations in football these days...

1)      Presentation of the new club’s jersey for new season

What they say :

“The kit is designed to improve the players’ performance to a new elevated level and with this new NIKE V8 technology, the players will feel more confidence to show their very best ability in the club’s colour”,

“The new PUMA kit suits our club’s identity which is fearlessness on the pitch”,

“My teammates and I will wear this new kit with pride and show our hunger to win even more silverware this upcoming season”,

“When I saw the new WARRIOR kit for the first time, I felt really in love with it. It was love at a first sight. I can’t wait to wear this kit on the pitch”.

What The Writer thinks :

That is nonsense. Every jersey is no different. Old or new. Pretty or ugly. Nothing can change performance except for hardwork and practices on the training pitch. Players always said that they really love the new kit in front of the camera. The reality is, they just don’t care. And again, how can a kit improve players’ performance so dramatically? By giving them more strength? More speed? More composure in front of goal? Nah, don’t believe in any of that. A team performing so well last season can be relegated the next season. Are they wearing a new kit? Yes! How can that be interpreted as improved performance? Huh?!

2)      Presentation of the new official ball that will be used in an upcoming tournament

What they say :

“My first impression on the official ball is fantastic, and we're going to have a lot of fun with it. ADIDAS has created an incredible-looking ball fitting for a tournament as big as the FIFA World Cup. Most importantly, it plays well on the ground and in the air. I'm sure all the players will love it! It has increased my levels of excitement even further and I honestly can’t wait for the opening game!"

“I’m looking forward to score a lot of goals with this new official ball as I think it is lighter and the direction of this ball will be more accurate than ever!”,

“This ball is very much better than the previous ball used in the last EURO”

What The Writer thinks :

That is another nonsense. What can a ball be more different than the others? Only some attributes change, but the characteristics will be very much similar. And how can a striker be so sure to score a lot more goals with the new ball? Maybe he can change his boots and stockings too…?! Lol. Another thing, players will not be excited to play in a World Cup just for the sake of a new official ball. He lies! They all lie. Lastly, players can hope to have more fun with the new ball, but hopefully the new ball will not make fun of them either. Scoring an own goal with a miss-kick is an absolute embarrassment. Let alone in front of thousands of camera and the whole world’s watching. Ha ha ha ha…   

3)      Presentation of a new player joining a club during the transfer window

What they say :

“I’m delighted to be here joining the best club in the world”,

“This is a club of my dream, in fact I dreamt of this moment since I was a little child”,

“I spoke with my international teammates from Chelsea and they all said good things about Chelsea and ask me to join them immediately”,

“I love the weather here, it feels perfect with me!”.

What The Writer thinks :

Bla bla bla…players can say anything they want. Right? Joining the best club in the world? Which one? If Manchester United or Real Madrid, it is fine. If PSG or Monaco, the player is crazy. And he knows nothing about football. Next, the player joins the club of his dream? Which dream? Dreaming of joining Barcelona when he was seven years old, or dreaming of playing at Anfield when he was fifteen years old? Nah, anyone can say that he dreams of something. But don’t believe the hype that he has created. Be safe people.  Then the player said that he ask his friends on their clubs. Of course they will say the best things about their clubs. However the player will not know that the friends maybe more than annoy if he were to join the same clubs. His place in the starting eleven at the clubs may be jeopardized if their clubs decide to sign the player. Last one, how can a player be so sure that he likes the weather straightaway after just only an hour or two signing for the club? He might get a cold fever the next morning and will declare his homesickness in the media after two or three months there. Gotcha!

4)      Player writes an open letter to bid farewell to his former club

What they say :

“Over the last few years I have experienced lots of good moments and other, more difficult ones, both in good and bad times. But I always felt supported by the wonderful fans at this wonderful club”

"I would also like to express my gratitude to all my teammates, the coaching staff and the managers who were always showing such faith in me at all times”,

“I love this club with all my heart and I hope to one day donning the jersey of this great club once again in the future”.

What The Writer thinks :

Arghhh…so pitiful letters. So dramatic and so melancholic. Yet all fans alike are feeling not so much touched by the words. They are lot more aggrieved, supposedly. If the player loves the club so much, why he wants to leave in the first place? Maybe he thinks that he will get no chance whatsoever in lifting trophies if he stays. If he really cares about the club, the player will tear sweats and bloods playing the best football that he can to bring glory to the club. The fans might hope that the player will retire in a bad ending than to see the sight of the player donning their club’s jersey once again when the player’s experience at his new club turns sour. And speaking about the faith that his teammates and coaches have shown to him all these years? Ahhh, stop saying that. He doesn’t deserve their faith anymore and they will hope to beat him in any game that his new club and his old club may encounter. Moral of the story, don’t write open letters. Just leave!

Thank you! Ciao!